September 18, 2007Get the balance right
Filed Under: From the "I told you so" files
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I wish I could tell you that what I'm about to say is the product of the last few weeks, but in actual fact it's the product of the last few years - 5 of them to be exact.
Since I went out on my own, I slowly but surely chipped away at the boundaries between work and life. My work became my life and my life was my work. Don't get me wrong, I was still a husband and a father (3 times now!), but there was the problem of not being present even though I was around...not to mention not being around much because of all the travel.
I compared myself to my former self (the corporate self) and applauded the fact I was "always on", "always reachable". With a cellphone, Blackberry, iPhone, Skype forwarding etc...I was reachable wherever and whenever. Why?
I prided myself on the ability to respond to a blog post or comment within seconds of receiving my Google Alert. Why?
When I was in another time zone, I would find myself waking up at 5am (or constantly being woken up by that annoying Blackberry buzz) because it happened to be 9am in New York and e-mails were coming through thick and fast. And it just was so important to be able to receive those erectile dysfunction mails in "real time", right?
I can't tell you how many times I've been with my family or out to dinner and I happened to read an e-mail which contained something that totally shifted my mood or at the very minimum, distracted me from what was really important...spending quality time with friends and family.
Working for yourself is one of the most empowering acts that anyone can ever do in their lives. But the danger of a 5 day week becoming a 7 day week is very real - especially with all this rampant access and technology that surrounds us all.
Whilst I might have been critical of 9-to-5'ers, or corporate execs that take their full vacation, Summer Fridays, marginal holidays and fill their schedules with enough padding of unnecessary meetings (with a commitment objective of having another meeting), there is a lot to be said for "working smarter, not harder"
Ultimately this is me facing an addiction of sorts - the always-on addiction - and acknowledging that balance and equilibrium rule over any form of extremity (being too connected and/or not being connected enough)
I'm going to attempt to implement a self-help regime, with these initial/baby steps designed to help me get back the "life" component into the dominant "work" part of my daily grind.
I'm not going to be unrealistic. Some things will never change, but I certainly can do my part to cut down on the computer being "always-on", checking e-mail on the weekends (will perhaps just 3 times a day on the weekends), being the first to switch on my iPhone when the plane lands etc.
Between 6.30-7.30pm when I'm home now the computer is going to be turned off, Blogging and Podcasting will take a chill pill - hey, it's R.S.S., baby - Facebook will have to take a backseat and and Twitter can go get stuffed (you don't need to know what I'm doing with my family...it's none of your damn business!)
Is there a lesson in all of this for brand marketers? Probably and probably not. On the one hand, "response and responsiveness" remain critical - now more than ever. But not at the expense of balance. Sure customers want a quick response - preferably by a human and preferably within 24 hours - but I think they'd prefer a great response (comprehensive, thorough, complete, adequate) compared to a response for the sake of it.
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Comments
Jeez...what a slacker!
Just kidding, obviously. There's definitely a point when you have to make some difficult choices about what one man or woman is capable of doing. Frankly, I've pulled back a bit myself, as well. When you try to do everything, it's harder to do it all without taking any shortcuts. Taking breaks to recognize the important stuff can help you to attack the rest of it with a little more zeal.
Kudos, and enjoy your mini-sabbaticals!
Posted by: Paul McEnany
Congrats Joe. The beautiful thing about technology is that we can control it versus having it rule our lives.
In the same way we use PVRs/DVRs to time shift our entertainment, we can also shift how we use our communication platforms so we are more efficient and effective overall, not less.
Posted by: Michael Seaton
I think what you're doing is very wise.
I am old enough to remember when not everyone had a computer on their desk and written communication in the office meant writing a memo and having the department secretary put photocopies of it in everybody's mailbox. I don't long for those days, but I do miss the work/life separation. When I left my office, I LEFT it. If I had extra work, I stayed and did it, then went home. I might take some reading material home with me. But that was about it.
Here's the little secret: nobody seriously expects an immediate answer to an 8 PM email (and if they do, they should get stuffed). If something is truly urgent, they will call you.
Push email is bad. I have a PDA but I intentionally did not set up my email accounts; when I want to see email, I look at it via the web, and when its in my pocket, it doesn't buzz at me unless somebody is calling.
My observation about always-on colleagues is that they are seldom the most effective people I work with. They are fast. But they are often not very focused. (This is my observation about Twitter taking the place of blogging - content quality plummets.)
Now, when you are self employed (like you are and I am) there is some inevitable boundary shifting. That's just how it is. But i think it's very wise to stop and think about those boundaries and reset them from time to time, as you are doing. Stick to it. You'll be a happier man with a happier family than if you shift back into always-on mode.
Posted by: John Whiteside
We've just headed off on our own and I'm learning the same thing. I'm always around, but I spend a lot less time actually one on one with my kids. And they notice. I'm having more and more to put everything down and just play with them.
Posted by: Mario Parisé
You are right to call it an addiction. Unfortunately this new level of connectedness doesn't come with instructions ... we are making it up as we go. And it is up to each of us to establish our own boundaries, shifting as our lives and focuses shift. Good luck!
Posted by: Gavin Heaton
Do it man! Disconnect and unplug for a while. I started by not walking around the house with my mobile but found I would run to it whenever I heard it. Next I put it to silent but I just "HAD" to go look at it (sometimes disappointed if there was nothing there for me). Finally, I decided to shut it off at 7pm and power on at 6am. That seems to be working best for me. Work to live brother. Enjoy the kids and family and be a "memory maker" for the kids. C'mon group hug!
Posted by: angeloCHAVEZ
Ah the humanity.... what was it that turned this switch Joseph? This mindset makes you more appealing and more effective in making real connections with people. We forget that all this tech is really just an enabler of our humanity. Use it. It is interesting to see in social nets now who gets that and those that use social nets to try to build an advantge for business. First rule of social is humanity wins. So this is just a big techno hug Joe... see you Monday.
Posted by: tom troja
Good for you. I think you'll find your more focused and creative when you switch back on.
Here's a suggestion, take on something totally outside what your work. For me, I began coaching my daughters soccer team. It's not only help me relax more by focusing on something "completely different" it's help me connect with her.
At the end of your life, no one will probably remember what you did, the new media strategies you created or how you "killed the 30 second spot". Just keeping it real here. However, your family will remember the time you spent focused on them.
Posted by: Paul Herring
I am amazed at the amount of always-on-ness you seem to be doing. Though I also check my mails too often, I also just read Tim Ferris' 4-Hour-Work-Week. His way of living totally differs from yours, but one of his key q's is, what is the worst that can happen if you would not answer an email or blog comment right away.
Put that in perspective to being with your family, you could take off until 9.30pm and still get back to everybody in a reasonable fashion. Until you make it from the red paper clip to a house, in other words, until you get paid enough to give up that much freedom, you shouldn't.
Posted by: Sebastian
I was meeting with a major research lead over at Microsoft a few months back when he validated a long held perspective I've been espousing (going on over a decade now).
As much as we love the digital/always on life, by our very nature we crave tactile real connections, contacts and experiences. The best technology extends and empowers our lives. Healthy digerati know when to turn it off, many of us (myself often included) are facing digital addiction. My only respite comes every Friday Night to Saturday Night, when religion saves me from drowning in the world of digital.
While much of the responsibility for knowing how and when to turn it all off and go analog, real world and focussed, the smarter our technologies become, the better they will be at filtering our digital interactions. There are emails I want to and/or need to see during dinner, but more often than not, they can wait. Smart filters coupled with human oriented trend tracking (think Wesabe for digital media usage) should help us find that healthy balance both between our digital and analog lives and our work and personal lives.
Posted by: Jon Burg
Amen. It's really good to read these comments (and your post) to know people still regard family as a priority in life.
Living in L.A. where stay-at-home moms have 2 nannies so they can go shopping, I thought my wife and I were the only ones left who still believed in raising our own kids.
That said, we all suffer from the addiction. Let's create a 12 step program if one doesn't already exist!
Posted by: Kirk Skodis
Props to you, but...6:30-7:30pm? 1 hour? Won't you just stay up an hour later now?
Baby steps I guess. Good luck!
Posted by: TedZahn
Finding balance with life is important. My young kids suddenly are growing up (ages 10 and 5) and it went by fast. The next stages will go faster, so like you, I am trying to do things like leave networking dinners early to be home for "tuck-in" even on nights I have to be at a work event.
Good luck, I know first hand that this is hard to do, because the pressure to bring in the money to keep the family secure is a strong tug, and thus makes real balance difficult.
Posted by: thom singer
Bravo, Bravo.
I knew there was a reason I liked you!
Posted by: David Armano
Wow, that really resonated! Until last June, I was a corporate guy with the Crackberry always going off. I thought nothing of interrupting a conversation with my wife or daughter to see what the message was. It was never really important, but like Pavlov's dog, we become conditioned to the stimulus. Having been in the job market for the last four months has really changed my perspective. The Crackberry is gone and the tingling on my hip has stopped. I still spend too much time checking what's going on in my networks, but I'm getting better.
Good for you; even better for your family!
Posted by: Doug Meacham
Joe:
As a business owner I struggle with the same thing. It's tough, because I love the interaction and connection with my "community" and sometimes it's easier to work than it is to focus and be completely present with my family. But if I can be completely present, and give of my self to them - it is much more rewarding.
I completely relate to checking email and getting in a bad mood when something comes across that is not good news. Then I can easily take it out on my wife or kids. I am just learning this lesson, but it's hard to quit. I just want to check it one more time. I'm lucky I don't have a blackberry or iPhone yet.
Thanks for sharing and creating awareness around a very important topic.
Posted by: Derek Mehraban
absolutely with you Joseph, great post. Reminds me of one of Kathy Sierra's great posts "is twitter too good"
http://headrush.typepad.com/creating_passionate_users/2007/03/is_twitter_too_.html
I miss Kathy :-)
Posted by: Karl Long
I am a father now as well, and this is one of my wife's biggest fear.
This is what the trend people call "online oxygen" we all need to be online all the time to survive.
But this is just a matter of practice or breaking the habit perhaps? I have also done the same as you and am now taking weekends off from blogging, or making it a point to bath my son every evening. Its a lot easier said that done no?
Posted by: dt
A couple of years ago at the annual Davos forum, Bill Gates was presenting his vision of this endlessly connected, always available world. A French CEO, I'm told, reacted with the following comment: "This sounds terrible! Where is the time to relax, to read, to have sex with my wife, to have sex with my mistress???"
Posted by: John Rosen
Joe,
A wife and 3 kids - smart choice, otherwise you'd look back 15 years from now and kick yourself in the ass.
How about grabbing a brew in the Westport area soon?
Posted by: Brian
Excellent idea. Give me a call.
Posted by: John Rosen
