A classic bad pitch

This is a classic bad pitch (note to all marketers and agencies out there) for so many reasons - I've highlighted the classic parts for your reading pleasure and also stripped out the name of the person to protect the guilty.

My commentary is below...

From: Recruiter [recruiter@vitaver.com]

To: Info

Subject: 1818 - 0OT0 - Communications Coordinator, NYC

Copy: Dear Conversation,

I am XXXXX XXXXX with Vitaver & Associates, recruiters based in Boca Raton (Florida), since 1993. I found your resume online and I believe I might have a good job for you.

My Client sent me the description below, and requested I find a Professional to deliver on it.

If you are that person, I want to submit you today.

If this job is not for you, or not at this time, I suggest you still send me your resume for upcoming opportunities that may fit your career goals and credentials more closely at http://www.vitaver.com/submission.aspx . If you know somebody who might be interested, you can still benefit from this opportunity (1).

I will personally work with you through this simple and quick application process. The first step was to match your resume to the main skills requested by the Client. Now we are at the second step, which is for you to review the job description below, decide if this is good for you, and reply to me right away.  This will allow me to confirm the fit and setup your technical interview with the Client directly.

Position Code, Title and Location: 1818 - 0OT0 - Communications Coordinator, NYC

Additional Information: Below is all the information I have from the Client. Once I setup your interview with the Client, you will have the chance to ask them directly anything I do not include here.

Description:
This is a challenging and exciting opportunity for an entrepreneurial spirit with high standards of excellence. The Company is seeking an in-house communications coordinator to implement their media plan. You should have the ability to make things happen, with the media and marketing projects, all while maintaining a good sense of humor.

Benefits: Medical, dental, gym and stock options. Bonus potential.

Responsibilities:
* Write and distribute press releases
* Establish strong working relationship and ongoing communication with media contacts, including handling incoming media requests and pitching stories

* Identify potential speaking opportunities among key audiences
* Monitor and report on all media coverage
* Implement the company media plan. Familiarity with search engine marketing will be a plus.
* Maintain the Company Press Room online.

Qualifications:

* Ability to thrive in an extremely fast paced environment
* 2+ years of public relations experience
* BA in Journalism, Communication, or related field
* Excellent writing skills
* Experience pitching stories to tech media
* Solid presentation and networking skills
* Exceptional organizational skills required to juggle multiple projects

To be considered, the candidate must be self-motivated, creative and, most importantly, have the desire to help the Company grow the business.

End of description

If you feel confident with the requirement and comfortable delivering on it, please, send me your reply to all the questions below, and your resume attached to insure the quality of your introduction to this Client. A technical interview with the Client will follow as the last step.

1.     Are you a US citizen/Green Card/H visa holder (please, specify)?
2.     When will you become available?_____
3.     What is the yearly salary you expect? $ _______ per year on W2 (Fulltime Employee). Benefits and bonuses are extra and you will discuss them directly with the Client.

4.     Very important: I designed this format save time and errors. Please complete the following Skill Matrix, answering each and every question with: A) number of years of your personal experience with the skill, B) your skill level on a scale from 1 to 5 (highest), and C) the last time you applied it.  Please be consistent with your resume.

I.e.: Experience 4 years - Skill level 5 - Last Applied January 07

1.     Public relations experience (2+ years) ______years; Skill level ____Last applied:_______
2.     Experience pitching stories to tech media ______years; Skill level ____Last applied:_______
3.     Do you have a Degree in Journalism, Communication, or related field? (please specify) _________

*Please attach your resume as a Word document
I will handle your information in strict confidentiality and only to obtain the job you seek. 

As a Recruiter, I chose my clients and requirements with you in mind.  I am equally aware that you also get to choose a Recruiter to help you with your next career move.  I will work hard and dedicate my training and experience to earn your trust, and make you feel comfortable working with me, while you enrich your credentials and pursue your career. 

If you received a similar invitation or phone call to apply through another recruiter, I encourage you to consider that we have very good chances at landing you the job.

Our low overhead and nimble structure (resulting from over a decade and a half of improving our own processes), determine a lower cost for the Client, speedy and straight process, and high rate of placements.

I hope to hear from you today through your complete response and resume. My mission is to get you the job you want while respecting your time.

Best regards,
XXXXX XXXXX
Staff Recruiter
Vitaver & Associates, Inc.  

PS:  This is a real opportunity with my Client; I am not wasting your time or mine.

(1)    Referral Fee: please give this email to that person/s and copy me. If he/she replies to me thanks to your participation and I hire him/her, you will accomplish two things: find a good job for someone and get a bonus directly from V&A.

Let's recap:

1. Good news: I am now synonymous with "The Conversation". Al Gore invented the Internets and I invented conversation
2. Bad news: With 15+ years experience, I am being considered for a coordinator position (not that there's anything wrong with that)
3. Good news: I am uniquely qualified and selected for this position
4. Bad news: Apparently so too is Greg Verdino (who received the same SPAM)
5. Good news: I have a good sense of humor
6. Bad news: A benefits package include gym membership is not funny
7. Good news: This is a real opportunity.
8. Bad news: Vitaver & Associates is not a recruitment company

Final thought: If you or someone you know are considering this opportunity, please make sure I get my referral fee.