Sharenting Shmarenting

The New York Times posted a fake news video about a new buzzword that is sure to give “woke” and “ok boomer” a run for their money as candidates for Merriam-Webster’s’ word of the year.

It’s “sharenting” and before I “share” the definition, I will say that I am guilty as charged.

Sharenting (noun)

When parents overshare photos and other data about their children on social media.

The video profiles “first generation children that inherited a social media presence, and privacy risks, they didn’t ask for.” As a former strategic and account planner, I do appreciate this unique positioning and perspective of “unwilling inheritance.” That said, I also push back on the idea that this poor generation has been forced to accept their smart phone and all the accouterments that go with it.

You’ll get no opposition on the privacy component from me of course.

One of the kids in the video explains that the reason she is upset by this is because of “how aware I am of the implications of the digital footprint” and then proceeds to explain that in France, kids can sue their parents for sharing too much about them. Honestly, part of me wishes we could be back in a time where corporal punishment was considered to be a sign of good parenting. I’m kidding, but if this kid is so concerned about her “digital footprint,” perhaps she should have her phone taken away and go on a strict digital detox diet.

Yeah, right. Like that’s going to happen any time soon.

OK, let’s take a step back and let me share the data points. They’re all very salient.

• By age 5, the average kid has 1,500 photos of them online
• Over 90% of American children have a social media presence by age 2
• By 2030, parents sharing about their kids online could account for up to 7 million incidents of identity theft and over $800 million in online fraud

Now let me make a few value statements:

• Old fogeys like you and me (I’m assuming you’re not a first generation inheritor) don’t really have a clue what we’re doing with social media
• Young bucks (first generation inheritors) don’t have a clue what they’re doing with life
• Both groups don’t have a clue about the long term implications that will come from things like constant exposure to mobile phones around your brain, heart and groin; addiction and moreover the impact on interpersonal relationships, connection in general, psychosis and social related disorders. Just look at the massive epidemic of gun-related violence in the United States if you need any proof.

Perhaps we can learn from each other?

To their credit, First Generation Inheritors (or FGI’s) have naturally and innately figured out an acceptable operating system and/or rules of engagement associated with social media. Look at your teenager’s Instagram account for example:

• Pretty much all of them are private. You didn’t need to tell them to do this.
• You may very well be waiting (and waiting and waiting) for them to accept your friend request and if not, you’ve probably created a fake account so you can stalk them (admit it!)
• They have a sum total of 3 photos on their entire Instagram account. By contrast, I have 1,902.
• A birthday greeting or congratulations is done via disposable story versus any permanent posting (which anyway would be deleted – see the earlier point)
• They are incredibly deliberate and almost Machiavellian in terms of what they post; who is in the photos; who is tagged
• The captions to the photos are almost in code. Esoteric and bizarre, but not as bizarre as…
• …the comments which are basically as insightful as watching paint dry and yet, they are equally deliberate.
• There really is no bad news (or if so, it’s delivered via code)

In the me-too era, where consent has to be explicit, unambiguous and vocal, FGI’s demand the same when it comes to sharenting. It is “about the asking” and without it, kids demand veto power.

I won’t lie. I’ve run into this with my kids and after countless battles, I inevitably back down. I now have to ask. I don’t believe I need to, but I think that ship has sailed.

Honestly, I don’t think either side really knows what the hell they are doing. The only thing I can say is that neither side is right. And neither is wrong either. Moreover, this isn’t binary at all. This isn’t about right or wrong. This is about compromise and balance. 

While I wrote a fair amount of this piece with intentional snark, sarcasm and irreverence (that would be the stuff you gasped at most likely, including - but not limited to - the fake New York Times quip because I might have had a different opinion to the one being presented - HA!), I did it to make a point. I’d rather take the side of the FGI’s than their parents’. I think we owe it to our kids to help them figure it out and learn from and with them. I think the technology providers need to be a lot more proactive in terms of helping us figure this out as well.

Perhaps we need a United Nations of Social Media or judiciary system to create and enforce rules of engagement. What is acceptable? What is unacceptable? What is up for debate? It would change based on age of course. It could even become part of a contract when a kid is given a phone and therefore, include things like screen time.

I welcome you to weigh in with your perspective. Post comments and suggestions where appropriate on what you believe these rules of engagement should look like. I also invite FGI’s, as well as their parents, to post rebuttals or builds on top of this conversation starter.

I don’t welcome being shamed into wanting to share photos of my family with my friends and family, but at the same time, “a million of my closest strangers” should not be afforded that same luxury and the last time I checked, that is called Instagram or Facebook and has become a new normal that in reality is anything but…

To note: I vetted this first with my college daughter and my wife 

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